Yusuke and the Customers
by VampireApple
Summary: Yusuke interacting with stupid customers at the ramen shop.
1. Chapter 1

**Yusuke and the Customers **

**AN:** Hello All, its been over a decade since I've written in this dearly beloved fandom. Arguably Yu Yu Hakusho is what got me into anime in the early 2000's, on Toonami. Though Rurouni Kenshin and Gundam Wing were pretty awesome too.

I've had this idea kicking around in my head for years. Some of these tales are based off of my experiences, and others are based off of stories from the website NotAlwaysRight, which I highly suggest you check out. I swear I remember reading in the manga that Yusuke goes and works for Keiko's family's ramen stand. My manga is packed away so I can't read the book, and I wasn't able to confirm. But this is fanfic, so the source material is meant to be tweaked, right? Anyways, we'll see if I add any more chapters.

**Summary:** Keiko had cause to regret suggesting Yusuke come work for her family's restaurant. Like with any customer service job there were difficult customers. She kept track of her favorite stories.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho

. . .

Keiko had cause to regret suggesting Yusuke come work for her family's restaurant. He had calmed down a lot, and hadn't killed anyone so far. Considering what a slacker he had been in school he had a surprisingly strong work ethic. Keiko could only suppose Kazuma and Kurama had rubbed off on him over the years. All this wasn't to say there weren't… incidences. Like with any customer service job there were difficult customers. She kept track of her favorite stories.

**. . .**

There was a line of customers for the lunch rush. Yusuke was feeling a little pressured, but only to keep his temper in check. After all he had been through it'd take more than 20 customers to rattle him. He finished with one customer and the next one stepped up.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

The man pulled a gun from his pocket, careful to keep it from everyone else's view. "Give me the money."

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Look, there are people behind you waiting. Are you going to order or not?"

The man raised his voice and the gun. "Give me all the money in the register!"

Several people behind him stepped back.

"No," Yusuke said in an annoyed tone. "Now are you going to order something or not?"

"No! Give-"

The man wasn't able to finish his sentence. Yusuke yanked the gun out of his grip with one hand and punched him with the other. He jumped over the counter, grabbed the would-be robber and threw him out of the restaurant. After settling himself behind the counter again Yusuke smiled at the remaining customers.

"I can help whoever is next."

They all stared at him.

**. . . **

It was a relatively quiet day. Yusuke liked days like this- he could get a nice nap in. It was ruined by a customer walking in. Yusuke mentally sighed, went to the register and gave the standard greeting.

"Yeah, I want a cup of tea," the man ordered. He put a large bill down on the counter.

Yusuke was annoyed that he had to break such a large bill on the cheapest item on the menu, but none the less did the transaction.

"Hey, you shorted me!" the man yelled.

Now, while Yusuke was not the best at academics, working the cash register was easy. On top of that, years of fighting had honed Yusuke's observation skills. He knew he hadn't shorted the guy.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes you did!"

"Nope."

"I demand to see the manager."

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Its up your sleeve."

The man froze, then ran out the door.

Shrugging Yusuke drank the tea himself.

**. . .**

"There is a hair in my ramen!"

Yusuke looked down at the bowl. There was a blonde strand of hair on top of the ramen.

"So?"

"So! I demand a free meal! This is disgusting!"

"Yeah, that's not happening."

"What! This place is dirty! I-"

"I made the ramen and that is not my hair."

The woman looked at Yusuke's short, definitely not blonde hair and scowled. She dropped the bowl on the floor and left.

Yusuke seriously thought about throwing the bowl at her, but refrained himself.

**. . .**

Arguing with customers was probably one of the most entertaining things Yusuke could do. They weren't scary at all. Kuwabara's kitten was more scary then these losers. It was really fun to watch them get so upset though. This current customer wanted a free meal for some stupid reason and there was no way Yusuke was going to give in.

"Look here you stupid punk, you're going to give me a free meal!"

"I really don't think I am."

The other customers were watching the argument with interest. The regulars were well familiar with Yusuke and settled in to enjoy the show.

"I'll kill you, you stupid-"

"Hey!" Yusuke held out a hand and yelled, startling the guy into shutting up. "I charge for every death threat. Pay up. 

That threw the guy for a loop. "What?"

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Every time someone threatens to kill me they need to pay me. Seriously, is it that hard?"

The guy stared at him.

"Apparently it is. Look, either pay up and continue losing this argument, or leave."

"You're crazy," the guy said.

"Naw, just tired of the death threats. You have no idea how many I've gotten."

The guy looked at Yusuke again and left.

"No one ever wants to pay," Yusuke complained.

**. . .**

"Where is my food!"

Yusuke turned to look at an angry woman. He looked over to his left where a bowl of ramen was sitting on the counter. "Its right there."

"You should have brought it to the table!"

"That's not how this works."

"This is no way to treat a lady!"

"Well, when I see one I'll bring her food to her."

The woman left in a huff. Yusuke enjoyed her food.

**. . .**

Kuwabara wiped tears from his eyes as he tried to calm his laughing. He didn't even feel guilty about laughing so hard. The stories Urameshi shared were just so _funny_. There was no way he couldn't laugh. To think, the toughest Spirit Detective getting yelled at by some prissy middle aged woman.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Yusuke grumbled. He couldn't help but smirk a little. Some of the stories were pretty funny. He really did have good self-control, which enabled him not to punch the living daylights out of all the stupid people he met. Telling Kuwabara about the stories was pretty good too, because his friend's reactions were funny.

"Do you have any more?" Kuwabara asked.

Yusuke thought a moment. "Well, I do have a few more."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello All! So, yes, I did find my manga and Yusuke does work for a ramen shop. I'm glad ya'll've enjoyed this story. I've found myself missing the ridiculous stories. A lot of them seem to be angsty or lots of romance. Which is nice. But I miss the humor. Again, if you haven't, check out the website Not Always , its very funny!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the stories on

. . .

Yusuke answered the phone with the standard greeting.

"Hey! I was in there earlier and the guy there punched me in the face!"

Yusuke took a moment to comprehend what the customer was saying. "You're saying someone punched you in the face?"

"Yeah! So I want a free meal!"

"You think you should get free food?"

"I got punched in the face!"

Yusuke pulled the phone away from his ear.

"Yeah, I don't give free food. I don't punch customers in the face nearly as much. If you'd like to challenge either of these statements, feel free to drop by." Yusuke hung up.

The customer never did show up.

. . .

Yusuke felt like he was dying. Never had he felt this close to death after any of his fights. He almost wanted to die.

"Are you going to fix this!" The customer screamed.

"Ma'am, let me get this straight. You want a new bowl of ramen because your bowl of ramen noodles has too... many noodles?"

"Yes!" the customer shrieked.

Yusuke banged his head on the counter, denting it a little bit.

. . .

"Your total is 600 yen."

The customer put 500 yen on the counter.

"Okay, do you have another 100?" Yusuke asked.

The customer stared at him.

"100 more yen?"

More staring.

"Sir?"

The customer tried to take the bowl. Yusuke pulled it back.

"The total was 600 yen. You paid 500. You still owe 600."

Staring.

Yusuke banged his head on the counter, making the dent a little bigger.

. . .

Kuwabara squinted at the counter. "Urameshi, do you know there's a dent in your counter?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

. . .

A/N: Its a little shorter, but eh. I hope to have more up in another month or so!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Hello All! So, yes, I did find my manga and Yusuke does work for a ramen shop. I'm glad ya'll've enjoyed this story. I've found myself missing the ridiculous stories. A lot of them seem to be angsty or lots of romance. Which is nice. But I miss the humor. Again, if you haven't, check out the website Not Always , its very funny!

I am marking this story as complete. I'm out of ideas for more chapters, but if I have any more, I will update.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, any stories from or the Simpsons

**. . .**

Yusuke had just opened the shop for the day, and was just waiting for customers. He didn't have to wait long. A young 20 something guy walked in and went right up to the counter.

In a serious voice the guy asked "Do you work here?"

Yusuke looked down at the apron he was wearing, complete with the restaurant logo. He looked side to side, verifying he was behind the counter. He scratched his head- he was wearing a bandana with the restaurant logo on it.

The customer looked at him expectedly.

"No, I don't work here."

The guy started at Yusuke, then walked out.

**. . .**

Yusuke was enjoying the quiet. There were only a few customers in the restaurant, and none of them seemed needy. There were two tables with customers. One had two girls, and the other had three guys. He wasn't paying much attention when he glanced over at the seating area and did a double take. The guys had moved to the girl's table and seemed to be giving them a hard time. Yusuke settled in for a good time. Keiko and Shizuru wouldn't tolerate that sort of disrespect. They'd lay them out flat, not to mention what Genkai would do to them. Even Boton would knock them out with her oar.

But these girls didn't do what he expected. Instead they looked anywhere but the jerks, and hardly said anything. The jerks kept pressing, and the girls weren't reacting. Yusuke finally realized the girls weren't going to do anything, so he decided to step in.

"Hey, you three. Leave."

The biggest guy, about Kuwabara's size, sneered at him. "Oh yeah? You going to make us?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." Yusuke grabbed the biggest one by the throat and threw him out of the shop. The other two went to attack him. He punched both of them in the face, mindful to not make them go flying. He grabbed both of them and threw them out the door as well. The girls stared at him. Yusuke ignored them and inspected the floor for blood, and found a few drops.

"Messy bleeders," he grumbled as he cleaned up.

The girls still didn't say anything, just watched him. He continued on with his work. The girls came in fairly regularly after that.

**. . .**

It didn't happen often, but sometimes Keiko would come in while Yusuke was working. He really enjoyed those days. There had been no customers in half an hour, which was an even bigger bonus. Two little brats ruined that though. They were around twelve years old. They'd come in and ordered some food, but had been obnoxious little brats the whole time. They been hitting on Keiko with a total lack of skill. Yusuke knew he wasn't good at any of that sort of stuff, but these kids were making him look like a champ. Keiko seemed to enjoy giving sarcastic comebacks that went right over their heads, so he just sat back and enjoyed.

"Hey, pretty lady, can I get your phone number?" one of them asked.

Keiko looked him dead in the eye and asked in a serious voice "Why, do you need a baby sitter?"

That threw the kids and they both went to sit down to eat. Yusuke fell on the floor laughing.

**. . .**

It had been a while since Yusuke and Kuwabara had been on a mission together, but on a mission they were. Yusuke had been getting prank calls everyday for the past week from some snot nosed kid. No amount of threats from Yusuke would make the brat stop. So Yusuke would decided to ask for Kuwabara's help. So far all the phone calls had been from legitimate customers. That was about to change.

The phone rang. Yusuke answered it. "Hello?"

"Hello, I'm looking for my friend, Seymour. His last name is Butts."

"Yeah, hold on. He's right here." Yusuke handed the phone over to Kuwabara.

Kuwabara cleared his throat and in the most menacing voice he could started talking. "Listen here you damn punk, I don't know how you found me. No one finds me. I'm going to now find you, and I'm going to kill you. You got that? Your mommy won't even recognize you after I'm done with you. I'm going to- he hung up."

The two of them started laughing. They were still laughing when Kurama walked in.

"I don't even want to know."

**. . .**

**A/N:** That last one is actually from the Simpsons, one of Bart's prank calls to Moe's Bar.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Well, I wasn't expecting to update so soon. I've been reading a lot of nightwalker3's YYH fics recently, and just got inspired. They do a wide verity of longer one-shots, and I'd recommend checking the fics out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any stories from

**. . . **

An old woman walked right up to the counter. "Where is your elevator?"

Yusuke blinked. "Elevator."

"Yes," she said impatiently "to the second floor."

Yusuke looked around the small restaurant. "We don't have a second floor. Or an elevator."

"Tell me where it is!"

"We don't have one!" He barely managed to refrain from calling her an old hag.

"I want to eat on the second floor!"

"We don't have a second floor!"

By now everyone in the restaurant was looking at the two of them yelling at each other.

"I'll call the business bureau!"

"Go ahead! I ain't afraid of bureaucratic toddlers!"

The old woman left, muttering angrily under her breath.

A few days later Yusuke received this phone call;

"Hello, I'm with the business bureau and I am calling in regards to your non compliance with handicap access to your second floor."

Yusuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "We don't have a second floor."

There was a paused, and then the caller verified the shop name, address and phone number. Yusuke told her her information was correct.

"I'll just file this one under crazy old ladies then. Have a good day!"

**. . .**

"I'd like to return this." The customer shoved his bowl in Yusuke's face.

Yusuke pulled back and, after he stomped down the desired to punch the guy in the face, glanced down in the bowl. There were two noodles left, and barely any broth.

"You want to... return this?"

"Yes."

"Its empty."

"No, its not!"

"Are you going to puke up the rest of it?"

"Ew, gross! No!"

"Then get out of my restaurant!"

"But-"

"Out!"

"But-"

Yusuke bodily threw the guy out.

**. . .**

Kuwabara was visiting one afternoon. It was a rather busier afternoon, which was perfect for the prank he wanted to pull on Urameshi. He waited until everyone had their food and was eating before calling out in a loud voice. "Excuse me, waiter?"

"What?" Uramethi irritably asked.

"There's a fly in my ramen."

Urameshi stared at him, confused. It took a moment for the rest of restaurant to process what Kuwabara said. There was pandemonium as half the people became hysterical thinking there were bugs in their food. Urameshi got mobbed.

Kuwabara laughed until he actually fell out of his seat. Urameshi didn't speak to him for a week after.

Later, when Kuwabara was retelling the story to Kurama and Hiei, he would swear until his dying day that Hiei honestly _smiled_ at the story.


End file.
